blackcatfriday.com

I’m aware it is a few days early for looking back on what’s happened in the year 2009, but I figure, I have the inspiration to write this now. If I wait until it’s actually the end of the month, I think I won’t quite be able to do it as well.

Overall, it’s been an odd year. It’s had it’s ups and downs like every other year, and it is by far not the worst year I’ve ever lived. I have, though, dealt with it the worse, I think. Sixth grade remains my least favorite year, but I didn’t struggle with everything that happened as much then, as I have struggled with a lot of the stuff happening this year.

• Back in April, I had the car accident. First ever accident I’ve had, and I was driving. I still had my permit, too, not my actual license. The guy was drunk, and my mom’s “new” truck was totalled. After this, I refused to get behind the wheel for a few months.
• I got my probationary license, what comes after your permit.
• I bought my first car, and all by myself, too. This probably means more to me than anything that I’ve done this year. This car, no matter how shitty, is what gets me where I need to go. It’s reliable. I’ve had my problems with it but they’ve all been extremely minor. Going along with this, I learned that the best way for me to relax is to drive. And I couldn’t be happier doing it now.
• I got a job, which is probably the most productive thing I’ve done. And I don’t regret it. When I was younger, the thought of getting a job scared me a little. I worried that it would destroy what little bit of a social life I had, because my sparetime would be used there. But I was so, so completely wrong. As it turns out, I love my job. And it has only increased my social life. I love the people I work with, and I have some of the best times there with them. I have awesome new friends from my employer as well as the McDonalds that resides in the same building.
• I took on three AP classes this school year, which has not really been as much of a mistake as I worried… although my GPA isn’t as high as it would be if I had been in normal classes. Which is to be expected. I also blame a few other distractions for contributing to that, but I am aware that most of it comes from the fact that I am now actually challenged in these classes.
• I got my first web-design client… and then my second.
• I am still best friends with Dusty, nothing has changed there. But I’ve also gained a closer friendship with Sarah, and became friends with a bunch of other people from school. I love you guys.
• I found out exactly how much photography means to me. It’s the only hobby of mine that has lasted 2009. Writing, I rarely do. Drawing, on occasion. But photography I do all the time. Maybe that means something?

So much is different this holiday season. The overall mood is even different. It’s weird; it hardly even feels like it’s going to be Christmas tomorrow. It doesn’t feel like Christmas Eve.

• This year, I am missing someone, where in previous years everyone I could have wanted around me was around me for this time of the year. My family, and I had contact with all my friends.
• There continues to be this heavy cloud of realization that my time with my mom living five minutes away is drawing to a close. I can’t help but look at next Christmas with a kind of sick feeling. I don’t know if she’ll be here, I don’t know if she’ll come down. Will I get a card in the mail and a Merry Christmas text rather than being able to see her? Will I still be this close to her next year, when I will hardly get to see her between now and then?
• I’m seventeen now. This time next year, I will have been eighteen for ten days. I will legally be able to do everything short of drink myself to death (although, I was informed by a friend — who is over twenty-one — that he has been trying to do this for the past few years and it’s not working so well). I’m not sure if I’m ready to be considered an adult, to be a senior, to have just over a semester of school left… not sure if I’m ready to start finding colleges, applying for scholarships, deciding on a career.

All-in-all… I can’t wait until this year’s over. I can’t wait for it to be 2010. I can’t wait to hope that maybe, just maybe, next year will be better. Maybe I’ll be able to deal with things more efficiently, maybe I’ll be able to force myself to try harder at what I do, maybe I’ll be able to make decisions without being so worried about what I’m leaving behind.

Maybe I’ll be able to stop worrying so much.

Merry Christmas, 2009