Archive for February, 2010

Faith.

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

I don’t think I do a very good job of expressing myself. I can’t explain myself in a way that fully covers how I feel about a topic, and usually this is because my feelings are very iffy. I tend to support something under certain circumstances, while vehemently oppose it under others. Religion is one of these topics. Another reason it is so hard for me to discuss is because I am terrified of offending people. It is a touchy topic in some cases.

I am not personally religious. I find it hard to wrap my head around the possibilities of God, although I do not necessarily deny His existence. Which makes me Agnostic. I used to be religious. Growing up, I was Methodist. My grandparents on my dad’s side were both Methodist as well. My grandparents on my mom’s side… I honestly cannot remember what their religion is called, but I know I never followed it. I was baptized under both though. My cousins on my dad’s side are Catholic. So my family is very spread out.

After I moved prior to sixth grade, my dad and I switched to… Non-denominational? That was probably my most religious time. I went to a conference up north with the Youth Group and was saved. I still have my Bible. Actually, I have both. The one I got when I turned ten (I think it was ten) when I was a Methodist and the one I got while at the conference.

Going into seventh grade was when I started losing faith, and it was only somewhat recently that I deemed myself Agnostic. For a while I just said I didn’t know.

I have my reasons for not actually liking religion, but none of them truly apply to my life. It’s just things I’ve seen, from religions other than Christian (or some Christian faiths that have become… rather twisted). I just personally cannot bring myself to believe. Sometimes, I wish I did believe though. Faith can be a beautiful thing, believing in something beyond all doubt, no matter what, even though there is little to no physical proof. Turning to faith when bad things happen. It’s a comfort that I see in other people. I see in my maternal grandfather. He had a stroke and turned to religion after he survived. It’s a comfort that, in some of the harder moments, I sometimes wish I had.

But I don’t, and I can’t. I respect other people’s beliefs, but I seem to have a tendency to take a step back, because while I sometimes tell myself I can sympathize, I can understand, it’s not something I can take part in. I don’t feel like I belong in it. I used to, but not anymore.

I’m okay with where I stand now, there are just times I wish differently. If you know me, you’ll know that’s really no surprise.

Don’t judge

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

Saturday morning I got an industrial. No, that is not my ear. Mine is not quite so clean looking right now because I have only had it for a few days, and it is obviously not going to be healed that fast.

But I find it amusing that it seems like very few people expect me to be into this kind of thing. I remember the beginning of Sophomore year, when I first came back to this school district. I had not been there since fifth grade. I ended up sitting next to one of the guys I had gone to school with and he recognized me, and commented about how he would never have thought I would be the kind of person to gauge my ears. This was obviously before I got the industrial, but still.

Then I get into Photography class today, and one of the girls in my group asks me if I just got it done. I said yes. Her response was “Wow, I didn’t know you were punked!” I was like … um, okay. Then her and the other two girls in my group went off asking me questions about whether or not it hurt, how it looked painful, how they wanted to or had their noses pierced, were considering their tongue being pierced, et cetera.

I have already decided I will not go beyond my ears. My belly button — I am not skinny enough for that. I do not have a reason to show off my stomach, and even if I did, I probably would not. My tongue, well. My mom had her’s done and wrecked many of her teeth, so I see no reason to go that far myself. I have no interest in the nose. Snake bites, I think, look really cool, but not so much on me. And beyond those “standard” piercings, just no.

I just found it kind of amusing that I obviously do not come off in real life how I actually am. I do not know if I am better at expressing myself here, but maybe I am not.

Anyway, not much else has happened. Valentine’s Day was uneventful, no surprises there. School is terribly boring and I would be willing to give up everything to be done with it for the year, and again no surprises there. I am immensely frustrated with my photography class, and I am getting more and more doubtful that anything good is going to come of it. Work is sometimes a blast and other times barely keeps me awake. Saturday morning I have a solo for Solo & Ensemble. Mind you, I hate soloing. I especially hate soloing on non-Jazz pieces. I would sooner improv a twelve bar Blues than play to you some normal piece that’s written out in front of me. And another thing, being the genius I am, rather than pick a piece that swung since I have such a tendency to swing everything, I picked something that’s straight.

Logic would tell you that playing straight notes is easier.

But I beg to differ.

1. What are your opinions on make-up? Do you wear it? Do you think people look better when they wear it? Do you think it’s worth it?
2. Do you have any piercings and/or tattoos? Are there any that you want? Did you regret getting any of the ones you have?
3. What kind of music do you like to listen to? Do you play an instrument? If so, what kind of music do you like to play?

Edit / One more question!

4. When talking to someone you do not know about a subject you are not sure if they have any knowledge of, is it better to give them more information than may be necessary to make sure they understand, or is it better to assume and speak in a way that you and other people understanding the subject will be able to comprehend? Giving too much information could make you seem full of yourself, yet giving too little could create just as many problems.

I will buy you a new car,

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

perfect shiny and new. I will buy you that big house way up in the West Hills. I will buy you a new life.

You know I had this entire blog thought out but then I got distracted editing pictures and now I do not remember everything I was going to say. So I am going to have to start over. And this is my third blog of the evening. The first was something I wrote last weekend, the second was what I wrote during AP Language instead of actually doing my paper, and this one I am writing right now. : D

After school my friend Autumn and I wandered Port Washington and I got some serious pictures that I like, which can be found on my deviantART account. The not-so-serious-but-still-amusing ones will be spammed up here.

… At some point I want to create a photo gallery subdomain of this site, where I can just put all of my pictures. Only that would require another layout. And I am quite the laze, dontchano.

Although I don’t think it will have these random pictures on it. But we shall see.

The sign outside the Java Dock, a coffee place. It made me lol, quite literally. I insisted we go back so I could get pictures, and so I did. I wish my boss would let me put stuff like that on our sign. But there is no way in Hell he would be okay with it. Haha.

I have wanted to get a picture of this door for a long time. And for once I actually had my camera with me. Yay for photography class. But anyway, yes, that is a door, with no landing to walk out onto. I wonder if anyone has ever opened it and realized there is a problem with it? Then again, the building is really old, I am not even sure if it is in use…

We did the Photoshop demo in Photography today. It was excruciatingly boring, just as I had suspected it would be. In Employbility Skills the other day we took a personality test and I was off-the-charts serious. Which, according to the packet of information, means I do not show any emotion. I am likely to be afraid to approach people. I have high possibility of having depressive personality disorder. I have no ambition; I simply go through life to survive. It has no other meaning. Work is most important.

… How depressing is that? I will admit it made me lol a little bit. And I know it is not entirely true. I have an escape from the things I hate, and while it does happen to be my workplace, I only enjoy it because of my co-workers. Without them, I would despise work as much as the next person. I also do smile and laugh fairly often. I did many times last night, as well as during lunch today.

Nonetheless, I am aware that that does fit me all too well. Which, I did not need that confirmed, thank you very much.

I made a formspring, mostly because I was bored and figured I may as well jump on the new bandwagon. Here it is, if you want to ask anything. If anything, I hope it gives me something to do when I am bored, so ask whatever you want.

1. Have you ever taken personality tests?
2. How do you feel about formspring?
3. Tell me something interesting about you. : D?